Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize