Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
