.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
how drunk are you?
Several
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
