it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
