how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
