Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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