My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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