I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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