I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
