yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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