She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
