he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize