Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
