we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
