I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
