I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
