the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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