Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
