True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
