my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
