It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize