you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
