What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize