So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
