This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
