i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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