I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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