I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
