More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
