peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
People in love make me want to vomit
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
