I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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