1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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