it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
