After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
