The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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