There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
