Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize