it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
