I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
