Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize