Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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