Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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