I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize