Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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