Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
