I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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