He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i need some magic done to my vagina
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize