This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
