And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
