I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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