One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
