Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
