she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
