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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize