I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
