That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize