I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Princesses don't give blow jobs
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
