If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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