i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
