it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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