I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
