they said they heard you say put it in my butt
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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