i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
