somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
