In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
