Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
