we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
