I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
did i walk over a car last night?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
