Ambien. No doubt about it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Randomize
