By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
