He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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